Talking Bird
by rabid kuma
Summary: The team Hollow has begun to train now that Nagisa has used her research to defeat the training that made Soubi invincible. Hollow has been trained to feel pain, to expect it, but nobody expected Nagisa to use the drastic measures she did to create them.
1. Chapter 1

_All my life, I've been told I'm nothing special, that I was easily replaceable. I never really understood how someone, anyone really, could say that to a little kid. But now it's sunk in. I was created for a purpose, and if I didn't do what I was made for, then I was going to be replaced._

_I guess all I was looking for in him was love of some sort. I got everything but that and this is how it all began. . ._

Sei's eyes were always full of expression, and I remember very clearly that they were the darkest blue they could possibly be without being black. I think that's the only thing I didn't hate about him after I had left. His dark, raven hair and pale complexion seemed to add to his indifference of me. I suppose I had found qualities in him that I lacked in myself. I wanted desperately to feel wanted, and now I had my chance.

Sei had grabbed me by the hand, leading me through the dark hallways until we reached his room. It had been almost midnight, and we had definitely missed curfew, but he didn't seem to mind all that much. Lessons would begin in the morning, and I was feeling apprehensive about it. My name hadn't come out yet, and Sei was close to believing we weren't a pair anymore.

He pulled the covers back on the bed, climbing in. I stood there, pulling at the hem of my shirt. He hadn't ordered me to sit or lay down.

Finally he sighed. "You can sit without my permission. Ritsu was being a bitch when he said you had to follow my every order." I sat, and he pulled me close to his chest. I didn't really feel anything but the strain the position was putting on my back. Sei patted the pillow next to his head. "Lay down with me until we get up, then. Ritsu isn't expecting us until eleven, so we can sleep in today."

"When will my name come out?" I asked.

"Dunno. If it doesn't then I guess you'll be replaced. Nagisa might keep you around, but it's unlikely she'd let you stay here if you're completely useless."

If I had been expecting anything more than a blunt reply, coated with razors instead of sugar, then I had been sadly mistaken. Sei's rough manner of speaking didn't earn him any points with anyone.

Training hadn't gone exactly as I had thought it would, either. Ritsu gently removed my shirt, telling me to put my hands on the wall. More instructions came out of his mouth as the whip snapped against my back and I tried to follow them. I didn't cry out, I didn't even make any noise. Sei watched with interest as Ritsu struck me several more times, leaving deep gashes between my shoulder blades. I felt it tingle, but kept my eyes closed, breathing past the pain he wanted me to feel.

"Teacher, what's the point of beating him like this?" Sei asked.

"If he adjusts his pain tolerance, little spells in battle won't affect him at all. The purpose of this training is to make you used to pain so you can fight no matter what happens. It was the way I trained Soubi."

Soubi, his only prized student. The Beloved Sentouki. Nagisa hated him with a passion unlike no other. Her desire to kill Beloved drove her to create the Zero series, and Sei and I.

We were Hollow. Unlike the Zero units, we felt pain, but we were meant to enjoy it, not fear it. With Ritsu's training, we would be untouchable.

"Rei, hands on the wall. We'll start again," His voice rang out in the room.

I nodded, placing my hands against the wall once more. He cracked the whip on the floor once, and then struck me again. It didn't even tingle this time. I was already used to it now. I imagine Nagisa hadn't wasted her time and research on nothing.

Sei had dressed the deeper wounds on my back before we left Ritsu's session. My Sacrifice had showed no mercy, dumping the anti-septic on without hesitation. I clenched my fists in agony. It was worse than being struck with the whip.

"Did that hurt?" He asked, sounding amused. I shook my head, breathing deeply. "Liar. That hurt like hell and you know it."

"It's only his first day, Sei. Give him a few months and I'll have him up to the standards Soubi was above," Ritsu commented, running his hand through my hair. He lifted my chin, and I stared at his face. "Never forget what you learn here, understand?"

I nodded, and he dropped my face. I stared at the cold, tiled floor. I wanted nothing more than at least a hug from Sei, but I was denied even that.

Sei didn't even like me, and somehow that hurt was more painful than the gashes in my back.

Weeks passed by, and the training got more difficult. I had a pearl white scar around my right wrist from Ritsu's carelessness. The whip was no longer effective, and he was now engaging me in battles without Sei to build up tolerance and strength. He explained that when a Sentouki fights without a Sacrifice, their power is halved, and if the names don't match it was halved again.

All he bragged about was Soubi and Loveless, marveling at how they fought, and won, at half of their individual strength. Maybe it was just apathy, but I didn't think it was so special.

Being forced to fight with higher level students proved difficult. My spells amounted to nothing due to lack of confidence, and theirs tore at me as if I were a paper doll. Once Sei was brought into the fighting, everything changed. Ritsu's words echoed through my mind as we fought Sleepless.

"_You must fight to protect your Sacrifice, and no matter what, you must win."_

My spells had more purpose than before, and the fact I felt I had a purpose boosted my certainty that the spells would be effective.

It was around that time I began to realize there would eventually be a sexual aspect to Sei's relationship to me. I was fifteen, he barely thirteen, and I hadn't ever considered bringing it up with him. He was nowhere near mature enough to understand those confused feelings.

At least, that's what I had initially thought.

I began to slowly realize just how much Sei didn't want anything to do with me. He would tease me, letting me kiss him, and would touch me, getting me hard, but deny me the satisfaction of relieving myself. I felt even more worthless and when I trained with Ritsu, I found myself talking to him about things that Sei did to me.

On one such day, I told him about Sei's hands, and how they would wander, only to leave me unsatisfied.

"I guess that's the price of one's power. Soubi had similar experiences with Seimei, and I helped him through that, but I'm sure you aren't interested," He commented.

"Why does he do it, though? That's what doesn't make sense to me. If he's not going to finish what he started, why bother doing it?" I sighed, rubbing my arm self-consciously.

"It's a power struggle, Rei. He doesn't feel in control, so he puts you in a position where he has absolute power over you. Seimei demonstrated similar tactics with Soubi. He used him efficiently, though. It seems like Sei is still a child," Ritsu sounded disgusted as he spoke about my Sacrifice. "Soubi wanted to feel loved, but Seimei wouldn't allow it. That's why he can't bring himself to ever leave Ritsuka. If he does, there will be no point to his existence."

I didn't understand. "How is there no point?"

Ritsu studied me for a moment. "Without Sei, what purpose do you serve?"

"...None, I suppose."

"If Seimei hadn't ordered Soubi to go to Loveless, then Soubi most likely would have killed himself, or died of a broken heart," Ritsu sounded like he was confessing something, rather than telling me. "He never got the chance to consummate his feelings for Seimei, but then again, Seimei would have rejected him as before."

"But I thought he didn't have his ears?" I asked, feeling a little embarrassed asking about someone's sex life.

"If you find yourself in a similar situation, I'll show you the same kindness I showed him."

"I don't understand."

Ritsu motioned with his hand for me to come around the desk. I hesitantly did so, and stopped about a foot from him. He leaned forward, reaching out and grabbed my arms in his hands. I let him pull me forward, but resisted a little.

"Sei needs to feel in control and when he doesn't, he will always become mean and do these things to you. What you need to do is give him _something_ he can't take; A compliment, something simple."

I wanted to frown and point out to him that's what boys do when they like girls, but ignored the impulse. "I need to get going now, though." I said instead.

Ritsu smiled, ruffling my hair. "Of course, Rei."

Sei was waiting impatiently for me back in our dorm room. His posture told me all I needed. I stopped in the doorway, fearing he'd hit me or worse, but when he stood up he only handed me some money.

"We're going out, Rei."

We ended up wandering around the central part of Tokyo with little more than fifty dollars. Sei was demanding, as usual, and tugged on my hand. I felt like maybe he was growing up a little more, but the illusion was soon to be shattered.

I felt a faint humming just beneath my skin. The feeling was so odd I couldn't ignore it. Finally I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and gripped Sei's hand tightly. "Hold up, I think we've got company."

Sei frowned at me. "What the hell is with you now?" His tone sounded annoyed, like it was my fault this feeling wouldn't go away.

"There's a fighter, I think."

"Do you feel his battle parameters?"

"Not exactly, my body feels like it's humming and that's never happened before," I tried to convince him I wasn't trying to be a pain, that something was feeling very, very wrong to me.

Sei just stood there, but shook his hand out of my grip. "Look, I'm going to keep walking on ahead. If you feel the need to follow, please do so. Or you can just stand here and think we're going to be attacked."

I bit my lip, wanting to wrap my hands around his skinny throat. Why the hell would he argue with me about this? Could it be he doesn't feel it? "If I turn out to be right, you aren't going to feel very clever, are you?"

Sei glared at me, raising his fist as if to strike me.

"I wouldn't treat your fighter like that," Suggested a voice from behind me.

I turned around in a panic, finding myself almost eye level with Agatsuma Soubi. Next to him was, of course, Ritsuka.

"Fuck off, I'll treat him like he acts. He gets was he deserves." Sei replied haughtily.

I didn't say anything as I backed up in front of Sei. I felt an odd sensation against my right wrist, but didn't have time to check it as Soubi started to initiate the system. The more I stared at his face, the more I felt I saw myself in his eyes. Even our appearances seemed alike.

"And he deserves better than you," Ritsuka shot back. "You'll have horrible karma in your next life if you keep this up."

"Don't worry, love. The road to Hell is always paved with the best of intentions. If it's a fight you want, then you'll get it." Sei growled.

I wanted to turn him around and slap him across his pale face, but I didn't. I did not want to fight someone I was training to be, to replace in Ritsu's eyes. I did not want to see how little I'd progressed, to see how far I have yet to go.

"All right, see if you can find us within the next hour. If you're fighter's senses are this sharp already, you'll have no problem finding us to have your little desired wish." Soubi chuckled, hailing a cab. "But I warn you, we won't be easy to find."

As the cab sped away, I turned around. "What the hell did you challenge him for?!" I yelled angrily.

"Don't raise your goddamned voice at me, Rei. He snuck up on us, cloaking his presence. Only villains do that. And don't expect me to talk you up to Ritsu if you win or lose."

"I won't lose if you can command me properly," I replied in the same condescending tone he spoke to me in and he obviously did not like it.

"Keep it up, and I'll leave your ass here to be stranded. Got it?"

I kept walking in the opposite direction of Sei. I didn't want to deal with him right now, I just couldn't handle him. He wasn't mature enough to realize anything beyond his own needs and desires. He just didn't understand I wasn't ready to fight Agatsuma. It had been almost an hour of walking and I felt my skin tingling again. I stopped dead, looking around in a panic. Soubi was staring at me from across the street. I froze, unsure if he meant for me to come to him.

He was sitting at a coffee café, but I didn't see Ritsuka anywhere. Maybe they had split up to cause me confusion? Finally he motioned for me to come to him. I crossed the street and stood in front of him, pulling at the hem of my shirt timidly.

"Stop that, it's freaking me out," Soubi scolded, grabbing my hands. I didn't know how to react beyond shock. "I used to do that all the time when Ritsu was explaining things to me. You have no idea what it's like to see myself at fifteen again."

I frowned, my heart still pounding. "What do you mean seeing yourself again?"

Soubi cocked an eyebrow. "You can't tell me you don't see the similarities, can you? It's not easy to accept, but I'm afraid we're at least related. Your mannerisms are almost exactly like mine, even your hesitance to decide something on your own. Minus the fact your Sacrifice can't order you the way you'd love him to, we are the same."

"Don't tell me that you've come to this conclusion from one meeting. I don't know you, and you definitely don't know me. Stop spouting shit that isn't going to make sense if you don't have a point."

"Did Nagisa make you? Or were you born?"

The question shook me. "I don't know. I've never asked about it."

"I suppose you were born, otherwise you'd be yet another Zero series. It's a shame though, because it would be so like her to make a genetic copy of what she strives to destroy." Soubi chuckled. I glared at him, unable to think of something mean to say back to him.

"What? You don't think Nagisa would clone me and use it to destroy me? You aren't that naïve, Rei." Soubi whispered, his expression seeming sadder than before.

I sat down across from him, suddenly intrigued. How would Nagisa have been able to clone Soubi? It just didn't make sense to me at all. If she hated Soubi, why would she make me after him?

"_It's a power struggle, Rei."_

I glanced at Soubi, recognizing certain features I myself had. The way his eyes would catch everything happening around him was something that had been pointed out to me several times. His hair was almost the same shade as mine, just a little lighter. Probably from too much sunlight. I watched how he sat against the back of the chair, his legs crossed the way a woman would cross hers and his hands resting casually in his lap. I felt like I was staring at a mirror. This just wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

"Notice anything similar?" Soubi teased. "Don't be too shocked by it. At least she didn't clone Ritsuka. That would be quite a travesty if she had."

"So this would make us…Brothers?" I asked uneasily.

"Genetically, yes. Naturally, no we aren't. Don't worry, we'll help you get back to Gora before too long. I suppose you don't have permission to leave in the first place or you wouldn't have been arguing with each other?"

"No, we don't have permission to leave. Sei just handed me money and we left. I didn't ask why we were leaving."

Soubi chuckled again. "I swear, this is the craziest thing that's happened to me. I never thought I'd be able to see myself in another person so clearly. I always wondered what kind of kid I'd been, since I blocked most of it out."

I remained silent, listening to him talk.

"But everything is okay now," He continued, "I'm able to accept myself, as I hope you eventually will."

"Accept you, or accept myself?" I decided to ask.

"I don't matter to you, but you should care about yourself just a little bit more. Don't just go with your Sacrifice because he gives you orders. I never thought I'd be able to defy any order given to me, but believe me, when you know what you're doing is wrong, don't do it. Guilt is a lousy friend, and so is regret."

I followed Soubi back to his apartment. The lights were on, and Ritsuka was waiting inside. I was eyed suspiciously, but Soubi explained some things to him. Soon I was soaking in the tub, just exhausted. I wanted to go to Sei. I could feel him, somewhere, somehow, I knew exactly where he was.

I got dressed and went to the door, where Soubi caught me by my arm.

"Don't go unless you think you can handle his punishment."

"He needs me, and I feel sick for leaving him. I have to go," I pleaded with him. "I know exactly where he is, I just have to go to him. He isn't doing so well… I don't know why."

"Would you like us to come with you?" Soubi asked.

"…Just follow me until I find him."

Sei was sitting against a wall in an alley way, his face smudged with dirt and grime. I kneeled in front of him, touching his face. His eyes fluttered open in anger, but he realized when he saw it was me.

"It's about time you came back, dammit. I've been waiting forever for you," He whispered, his eyes closing again.

"Sei? Are you hurt?" I asked, trying to pick him up. He hissed in pain, grabbing my arms and pushing them away.

"I'm fine. We should go back, Rei. I'm…I'm not sure we can be together anymore." He wasn't making sense anymore.

"Sei? Why can't we be a unit anymore? Sei, we promised," I tried to make him explain, but he just looked away with distant eyes.

Soubi had picked Sei up, saying something about going back to his apartment. I held my arms out, wanting to hold Sei myself. Soubi passed him to me and I embraced that tiny figure so tightly I thought I would crush him. I could feel his pain, I wanted to feel his pain. I started to whisper to him kind words, words without pain. Slowly Sei's form relaxed and I felt his fear and pain inside my own chest. Soubi had stared at me in wonder as I whispered to him.

I was too slow to realize Sei had been hurt almost everywhere. Someone had found him, and they hadn't been very kind to him. Without me, there was no protection for him. A Sacrifice could not initiate the system, which meant he had been lynched.


	2. Chapter 2

**[You make the sound of pulling heaven down….]**

Ritsuka stared at me, obviously intrigued. He wasn't the shrimpy child that Nagisa had always spoken of. In fact, he was only a head shorter than Soubi and though lanky, he obviously took care of himself. I kept glancing away, my mind reeling.

It all felt too surreal.

Soubi came in from the kitchen and handed me a hot cup of tea. "You've got a unique talent."

Embarrassed, I sipped my cup. "I'm not sure what you're talking about…."

"Heh, modesty suits you," Ritsuka stretched his arms up, yawning.

Soubi glanced downward, then his eyes met mine. "Your healing technique is interesting. Was that something you were taught?"

_Oh…_ I was silent for a moment, then, "Not exactly. At least, I don't think I was taught that specifically. I figured if we can use words to hurt and defend, why not use them for something a little more useful, you know?"

He stared at me for a few moments longer, looking away as he smiled momentarily. "The perverse things Nagisa does for petty revenge. She can't let anything go. It's been years, yet she strives to one-up us. Everyone she's thrown our way either gives up in defeat or realizes that Ritsuka and myself don't want to fight."

"She's a motivated individual, that's for sure. I think her purpose this time around was to engage Ritsu in her antics. I'm just so….confused right now. I'm not sure I want to understand, either." I replied. My hands started to shake a little, forcing me to set my cup down.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. You are your own person, that's all that matters. I would say that Sei will be all right. Do you have Ritsu's number? I could call him for you, if you don't think you can handle the conversation." Ritsuka pulled out his cell, flipping it open. I shrugged, wishing that today had never happened.

_This whole time I knew something was wrong with me. I just never thought it would be the result of not even being a real person…._

"Hey," Soubi said, "Don't dwell on this biological dilemma. It could be a huge coincidence, and frankly, does it make a difference? Ritsuka is right; you are your own person."

"I'm not worth a damn thing. If my name won't show, I'm going to be disposed of. Sei doesn't want me if I'm not his."

"You might be a blank, Rei. I don't see why they'd dispose of you, you're very useful. Blanks are usually more powerful because they've got something to prove and are interchangeable until they're given a name." Soubi stated calmly.

Ritsuka smiled a little, but it was a tad morose. He stood up, walking to Soubi. Their eyes met, but there weren't any words actually spoken. I could tell they'd spent the last 8 years becoming more than just an mismatched fighter and sacrifice. Adults intrigued me, if only for the simple fact that during a moment like this I felt like I had too much growing up to do; that I didn't really understand anything at all anymore.

I crawled into the bed with Sei, who was still sleeping pretty soundly. For the first time it felt safe to touch his face without asking permission. I traced his jaw line, wondering what went on behind his sadistic façade. Perhaps he was just as tortured as the rest of us, only showing it through being a brat. I still loved him, but maybe it wasn't love that I was truly wanting from him. Love seemed more than Sei was capable. Having seen the silent exchange between Loveless and Soubi was strange. I felt like maybe I understood myself a little better, yet so much less.

In the other room, I could hear them silently exchanging worries.

"….But won't Ritsu be worried? Like Nagisa won't come break down the door for them."

"Ritsuka, we don't have any business turning them in. They'll be fine, I promise. If Sei's injuries were truly that bad, I wouldn't-"

"I'm not worried about the injuries. I'm worried about the drama that's going to come our way once that hag finds out they not only met us, but didn't challenge us or whatever she hoped to accomplish with this. I'm sick of her meddling in our lives, especially since we've made it clear we want nothing to do with them. You and I, we just want to be left alone, and this….it just means more controversy."

"What do you hope to accomplish by calling him, then? You say you want to avoid repercussions, and calling them out on this will definitely shine the spotlight on us. Just let them heal and we'll get them back. I'm sure if their whereabouts were known, we'd have Natsuo and Yoji knocking down the door."

"Eh, I guess you're right. I don't know…I just have mixed feelings about this whole thing. Do you really think she stooped to cloning you? I mean…how many more projects has this woman pumped out that nobody knows about? She's out of control, Soubi, and I don't like it. It's not their fault, nor do I feel any sort of animosity, but seriously, this isn't right. You'd be livid if it were a copy of me sitting in there, and you know it."

I sighed, choosing to ignore whatever else was audible through the thin walls. Sei groaned and his eyes opened, blinking to adjust to the darkness. "I ache everywhere." He whispered.

"Do you want to go back to Gora?"

"….Where, exactly, are we, then?"

"Soubi's."

Sei attempted to sit up, but gasped and fell back down. "This is ridiculous. Why didn't you take me back to the school? Nagisa and Ritsu will be expecting us for lessons, and we won't be there. Did you even think about this before you agreed?"

"I suppose I was too worried about you. I'm sorry that I let my emotions decide what was the right thing to do." I moved away from him, rolling on my side.

"You haven't asked me what happened." Sei whispered. I held my tongue, waiting. "It was a unit I didn't recognize. A boy and a girl. They didn't give me time to get away, they just beat the hell out of me. I think I heard the name Minoru, but I can't be certain. It was right before I blacked out."

"Am I supposed to feel sympathy for you?"

"Don't forget you'll be replaced soon. You aren't useful in the least, and priceless time has obviously been wasted on training you to meet my needs. You couldn't even feel my cry to you in the first place."

I sat up and walked out of the room, choosing not to respond. I didn't need that brat to tell me I wasn't useful. If he'd actually called for me, I would have heard it no matter what, but he hadn't.

Soubi cocked an eyebrow at me when I joined him on the balcony. "Insomnia isn't a good habit to indulge, you know. You're still kid."

"Don't mock me. I'm choosing not to subject myself to the verbal abuse of an immature brat. I'm not sure what's happened over the last 24 hours, but I think…I think I've broke…." I felt tears gather in my eyes, but wiped them away.

Soubi put an arm around my shoulders and leaned his head against mine. "If you're really a blank fighter, then don't let him give you his name. Don't tie yourself to someone you can't stand, because that's what happened to me. Seimei didn't need me, but he wanted to own me, even though he had Nisei. I'm sure if Ritsu could go back in time, he wouldn't have let Seimei trick him into giving me away."

"Do you think it matters? What if I'm not blank, and my name comes out?" I felt bitter.

"Then you must learn to maintain a relationship. Submit, and be a fighter. You have no other choice, and the only way to sever the connection is for one of you to die."

"Did you just suggest I kill him?"

Soubi laughed, "That is most definitely not what I meant to suggest. I'm just saying that you need to adjust and stop expecting things. Sei clearly has a standard that you aren't fitting into, so you need to figure out what your issues are and work them out. You have no choice."

"What about you and Ritsuka? Seimei still controlled you, even though he said you were to belong to his little brother. How do you justify having betrayed him?"

"That's a complicated situation, Rei. Ritsuka and myself have been through too much and have secluded ourselves from the influence of the academy."

"So Loveless doesn't have a true fighter?"

Soubi was silent again and looked at me. "Seimei did many things to manipulate the system. Ritsuka has suffered in two ways; a supposed personality disorder and losing his fighter before he was aware of what he even was. That is a circumstance beyond what we knew, even then. Seimei was a twisted individual, and it's taken Ritsuka quite some time to overcome that fact."

"I so desperately want Sei to accept me, but it feels like a wasted effort. I know I can't escape this if I am truly his, which I believe I am. I just don't want to accept someone so heartless, when all I want is the warmth every other unit has. It just doesn't seem fair."


	3. Chapter 3

"You want him, you need him. It's so hard to please him, you just don't dare. And inside you're burning with some secret yearning. You must not care (still won't you) Help me, I'm flawed, desperate angry with God 'cause he just won't care. Oh excuse me, you're mourning,how calloused and boring, I brush your hair, and see your face... empty smile...I touch that place, and all the while...(you know it won't stop)" [-Abuse of Sid, HURT]

Soubi leaned against the railing, a brief look of discontent fading into deep thought. "Sei has growing up to do. He has to change and accommodate you just as much as you need to adapt to him. It's not something that can be taught."

"And how am I supposed to adapt to a sociopath?"

"He's not that bad, is he?"

I shook my head, feeling a bit silly. "Immaturity drives me insane. I've always been treated like this important object and he throws it in my face that I mean nothing at all."

"Perhaps he's more afraid of losing you than he would like to let on," he replied. I rolled my eyes at him. That didn't even make sense. Soubi must have picked up on my disbelief and smiled again. "He speaks those words to you out loud so that he will hopefully believe them himself. You should try to please him, other than just serving."

"He doesn't like anything. He's a spoiled brat, and his wants are usually based on whims anyway." I sighed. Soubi pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one, exhaling upward.

"Then I can't help you. You need to stop thinking just about yourself and try to see where Sei is coming from."

I glared at him. "Oh, so now you change your tune, eh?"

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You're the one who cannot submit. I had to come to terms with my fate when Ritsu gave me up to Seimei. You have no idea how badly I thought that Ritsu would keep me, how badly I wanted him to have me. Yet he gave me up to Seimei. Imagine my disappointment and hearbreak at the thought of being tossed aside to someone else." Soubi's eyes flashed at me behind his glasses. He seemed to be digging up ancient history, but the feelings were still raw to me.

"Is it horrible of me to wish I would be tossed aside? Some days I feel like it's not worth the agony or the effort to make either of them happy. I feel as though I could be something more, that Sei will only hold me back. Is that wrong?" I asked.

Soubi looked away, appearing confused. Either he knew what I meant, or he just plain didn't know what to say to me.

I didn't get a chance to know, Ritsuka had let himself out onto the balcony with us and handed Soubi a cup of coffee, smiling at me with this wise expression. "Your friend in there has a temper. He demanded I find you and force you to get back to bed, but I told him to shove it."

"I suppose I should-"

"I wouldn't, he's probably going to hit you." Ritsuka's tone was commanding, but suggested I still had a choice in the matter.

"After all that's happened, I'd be glad that he thinks enough of me to still punish me." I sighed, turning away.

"What do you think letting him act like that will accomplish? Have you ever stood up for yourself, or have you always let yourself become a whipped dog? The master has no respect for a whimpering pup; he would rather see spirit and confidence, otherwise he doesn't understand how to train him and guide him to be a better dog…." Ritsuka spoke softly, but his words hit with a force I didn't know was there.

I only shrugged, returning inside the house. I hesitated outside the bedroom door for a moment, but it was a moment too long. Sei flung the door opened, fist coming upward. I grabbed him, pushing him violently against the wall, his head bouncing off the dry walling. He was pissed off, but he looked more amazed than anything.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Get off me, Rei!" The panic in his voice made me smile. I pinned his arms above his head, wondering what was running through his mind right now.

"I'm wondering why I put up with someone who's misguidance makes me feel useless and unwanted. Do you know how much force it takes to snap your neck? Barely 8 pounds of pressure." I growled. I wasn't really going to hurt him, but the fear and confusion staining his features was worth it.

"Y-You aren't really going to do that to me…."

"I don't know, Sei. What do you have to offer that outweighs the benefit of never being tied to you?"

His hands were gripping mine tightly, eyes full of pain and betrayal. "You can't, Rei, that's not fair-"

"Fair? FAIR?" I yelled, "Do you think it's fair to put up with your bullshit! Ritsu can only do so much for us, but you seem convinced I'm not good enough. I'm asking you this only one time, and you better have the right answer, because I'm tired of you, Sei. Do you understand? I'm tired of this."

He stared at me, trying to appear calm.

But I could feel him quake beneath my grip and my stare.

"W-what is it you want to ask?" He stuttered, catching his breath a little.

"Do I mean anything to you, Sei? Am I worthless and useless, as you so openly proclaim, or do I actually have a valid place in your life? Because I will end you, I will not be tied to you any longer, if I have no purpose in your life."

Sei's eyes darted down guiltily. "Rei….That's not-"

"You'd better think a bit more before you answer." I interrupted.

Sei gasped a little when I squeezed my hands harder around his, staring him down. He started to sweat.

"I didn't mean to beat the shit out of him, Rei," Ritsuka interrupted from the doorway.

"Get out, I'm dealing with this MY way!" I screamed. Sei shuddered beneath my grip, trembling worse than before.

"Rei, please don't," Sei whispered, "I don't know the answer! I just don't!"

I released him, letting him slump to the ground clutching his hands. I had tried not to break his hands, but I had probably fractured the carpals, near his wrists. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt dizzy, not to mention pathetic.

Ritsuka grabbed me by the back of the head, dragging me into the living room. "You'd better get a grip on yourself, Rei. I don't put up with violence, especially not in my own home. What do you hope to accomplish by this?"

I couldn't make eye contact with him. "You don't understand, none of you do."

"Oh, please," Ritsuka scoffed. "My own mother used to beat me to the point I couldn't breath. She used to drag me into the washroom and drown me in scalding water because I ate something different than she expected. She'd tie me to a chair for days on end. You want to sit here and mope about a brat who doesn't understand the world any better than you, fine, go ahead. Nobody feels sorry for you, nobody will ever even remember you, if you continue this way!"

I didn't have anything to say after that. Nothing seemed relevant anymore. Sei, Ritsu….Soubi. None of them mattered.

"Rei, take my hand." Ritsuka held his out, waiting for me to respond. I let him take my hand in his. He turned it over, kissing the palm of my hand. I felt warmth jolt up my arm. He pushed my sleeve up and kissed my wrist. I stared at him, confused. My anger washed away, and I didn't feel nearly as frantic. Ritsuka released my hand, "Don't ever forget yourself like that. Whatever you're going through, it's not worth getting that worked up. I'm sure you've made your point to Sei, but you need to go back in there and fix what you've broken, physically and emotionally."

I retracted my hand, cradling it. Whatever Ritsuka had done, I didn't feel as displaced as before. It was just as odd as when I healed Sei earlier. Our eyes briefly met, but I couldn't hold his gaze. I was too ashamed.

Soubi was still out on the balcony, smoking his cigarettes. He didn't acknowledge me as I walked past back into the bedroom. Sei was still where I'd left him, tears streaming down his face.

I kneeled, taking his face in my hands. He tried to pull away, but I wouldn't allow it. He glared at me through the tears. I felt my heart wrench in my chest.

Slowly, I kissed him. He didn't protest on account of his injured hands, but he turned away after a few long moments. "You weren't serious about killing me, were you?" He said in a hushed voice.

I shook my head, "I don't think I was…but I know I'm not now."

"You fucked up my hands pretty good."

"I'm sorry…."

"It doesn't matter, I know you'll be able to heal them. You do have talent, Rei. It's just that…I'm the one who's not good enough."

I sat back holding his hands in mine, watching every wince cross his face. I traced his palms, focusing my energy to restore them. After a half hour of the constant hum of power, I felt drained. Sei sat across from me, unmoving as I sat back. "We've got a lot to work on, Sei." I whispered.

"I don't know what to do."

"I need you to govern me, to own me. I need you to want me, to need me, or we'll never be the team we're supposed to be. Has your name even come out? You've never shown me where…." It was a slight accusation on my part, but it was true. Sei had never shown me his name, but always implied that he had it.

Sei hesitated, but nodded. "I was afraid that if I showed you, it would make yours come out."

"Then where?"

Sei pulled up his shirt and tugged down the waistband of his boxers. "Sometimes it's really visible, but usually only when you and I initiate the system. It's vertical, though, which is weird to me."

I leaned forward and grabbed his hands in mine again. I could feel his need to jerk them away. I wouldn't trust me, either. "I promise to never again do to you what happened earlier. I was out of line."

Sei laughed, but it was a hollow noise. "That's quite an apology for threatening to kill me. Pardon me for not being overjoyed. You've got a funny way of proving your point, you know? Most people prefer to talk first, act violent later."

"You never wanted me to talk."

"Yeah, I'm finding out that free will isn't exactly a myth when it comes to you. You never shut up, you always want something from me. Ritsu never said anything about…." Sei stopped himself for whatever reason, glancing away. "It's pointless. Whatever. He isn't going to like that you did this to me."

"He'll only know if you tell him. Are you going to tattle on me, like some little child?"

"Rei, I don't understand this. You never disobeyed me before, and we're out of Gora for a day and you lose yourself completely."

Now it was my turn to let out a hollow laugh. "Oh, that is really something, Sei. Are you really that self-centered that you can't see someone else's pain?"

"What do you want, Rei? Just spit it out. I'm tired of playing this crazy-sane game with you right now."

"Hilarious, Sei, honestly. I'm not crazy, I'm frustrated."

"Frustrated over what? That you're mine? That you have to listen to every damn order given to you, and to fight until you can't move any longer for me? Get over it, Rei. You and I were made for a reason. We are to be the best. Emotions get in the way, so why are you bothering with this now?"

"….Didn't you ever wonder why the first Zero unit never came back? Or why Natsuo and Yoji are kept under wraps for the most part?" I asked. Sei rolled his eyes, acting as though I'd changed the subject.

"No, because I don't wonder about useless things that are in the past."

"They suppressed their emotions, because Nagisa is convinced that's what gets in the way of a great unit. I've spoken with Ritsu at great length about these things, Sei. What I want is the regular bond natural born units have. Nagisa wants us to be these emotionless, painless creatures, but we aren't. I don't want to live an empty, unfulfilled lifetime with you. You hardly ever laugh, did you know that? You don't really ever smile, either, at least not out of happiness." I released his hands and traced his jaw line.

Sei smacked my hand away, "Is there a point to this conversation? I'm tired, I'm sore, and we've got no idea about the unit that lynched me earlier, or have you forgotten all about that in the midst of your revelations?"

I stood, holding out a hand to help him up. He took it, but warily so. I startled him by jerking him towards me into a tight embrace. He stiffened and tried to fight me, but I only held him tighter. After a good fifteen minutes of him resisting, Sei finally relaxed into my hug. I nuzzled his neck, ignoring his flinch. "This is all I want." I whispered to him.

Sei sighed into my shoulder. "I'm exhausted, can we please just get into bed? I'd like to sleep while it's still night, you know…."


	4. Chapter 4

I laid for hours, watching the bruises fade, exhausting myself with constantly tapping into my powers. Sei would be almost completely healed when he woke up, which wouldn't surprise him in the least, but it would at least be a pleasant surprise. I wondered if anything would change after last night. We both seemed to have hit our breaking points, and I didn't feel different from the days before. Not the way I expected to feel, at least. Ritsuka had done something interesting to me, but I still couldn't figure out what kind of spell he'd used to relieve that anger.

Maybe it had to do with being Loveless. It seemed a lot like Hollow, but with a worse connotation to it.

What's in a name, anyway….

I must have dozed off at some point, as Ritsuka was gently rolling my shoulders back and forth. "You've got to get up, there's someone here to see you."

"Nngh? Wait, who?" I mumbled, sitting upright. Ritsuka's cocked eyebrow said it all. "Ritsu?"

He nodded, "He isn't very happy. He had to lie and say he sent you on a mission otherwise Nagisa was going to put you on lockdown. She's apparently very upset, though I know he doesn't care too much about her outbursts."

"And Sei?"

"He hasn't said much, he's preferring to take the path of silence rather than incriminate either of you for this…excursion." Ritsuka sounded a bit surprised as he spoke, but it seemed as though he'd also expected it to turn out this way.

Tentatively, I walked into the main room. Sei was sitting on the couch, staring at his bare feet. Soubi was leaned against the farthest wall away from Ritsu, cigarette burning at his lips. Ritsu was standing behind Sei, hands resting on the armrest.

"Ah, I see you finally care to join the discussion. Would you like to include me in your reasons for taking off yesterday? I had to lie to Nagisa in order to keep her from sending Zero out on a hunt. You're very lucky she didn't decide to do it anyway. I told her you were on strict mission guidelines, and that sending a team after you wasn't necessary." He was pissed off, that was for sure. His gaze leveled with mine, as if expecting me to answer for the room. "Fine," He scoffed, "Have it your way. You two have already corrupted this team, I see. Soubi, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"And why is this my fault? They don't have anything to do with us."

Ritsuka stepped in front of me, becoming defensive. "Nagisa needs to get a handle on herself and her own prerogatives. If she wasn't so obsessed with creating super-human, expert teams, she wouldn't lose such control of them so quickly the moment they get freedom. You need to take a step back and think about what you've done to these kids."

"I've done nothing to them that hasn't been done a hundered times before. Rei's training isn't any more intense than Soubi's had been. Sei's training is a different story. In order to control the perfect Sentouki, you must be the perfect Sacrifice. But you wouldn't understand that, would you, Ritsuka?"

"All right, enough!" Soubi shouted. "Take them and leave. Though you might want to account for a team yesterday that found Sei on his own. Rei managed to repair the damage done, but if you've got a rogue team wandering around, it won't do you any good to leave them be. They could injure innocent, regular people."

Ritsu crossed his arms, almost like he didn't believe him. "Names, appearances?"

Sei shrugged. "I think one of their names was Minoru, but I can't be sure. They came at me from behind, and the sun was behind them when I did get a chance to look. One was a girl for sure, her hair was in tight ringlets and in pigtails and the other was a short haired boy. That's all I can remember right now."

Ritsu leaned back for a moment, obviously thinking. "Did they initiate the system?"

"I'm not sure. I was caught off guard." Sei replied.

"How can you not be sure? Either you heard and felt the system or you did not, there isn't a lot of in-betweens to work with." Ritsu's arms were crossed again.

I sighed, "I didn't feel the system initiate. I only felt him call to me after the fact. He claims he was beckoning before that, but I didn't hear or feel it."

"Interesting. I wonder if they're graduates from years ago," Ritsu thought aloud. "Did they seem older?"

Sei glanced at me and then at Soubi. "Eh….Maybe older? Early twenties at the most, I'd think. They gave off quite a vibe once I was on the ground. Violence seemed pretty natural to them."

"Explain to me how you think they're from Gora then." Ritsu huffed.

"I could just tell. I don't know how to explain it, their stances maybe? I can't remember why I knew they were a team….," Sei closed his eyes for a moment, lips moving silent words. "They must have said their name. That's the only way I would have thought they could have been students. I just need more time. I can't quite remember, they did hit me a few choice times in the back of the head before I managed to roll over."

My stomach twisted into knots. I should have been there, not meddling with Soubi and Ritsuka. I couldn't help but feel it was my fault. Ritsu obviously thought the same, his penetrating gaze leveling with mine yet again. "And you, Rei? Why was Sei left alone, unattended?"

"That would be where Ritsuka and myself come into the story. Care to elaborate on our uncanny resemblance, _teacher_, or is it just a painful coincidence that we're almost one in the same." Soubi put out his cigarette in the ash tray, not looking at Ritsu directly, but I could tell he was still observing the older man.

Ritsuka fidgeted behind me, obviously nervous. "Please say it isn't true. Nagisa's pretty deranged, but-"

"It's not like I can lie about it. Nagisa is a twisted individual, I agree, but she's driven to make units herself instead of waiting for natural talent to run its course. There's a reason I'm in charge of their training, because Rei may or may not be a blank. Sei's name has been present since birth, but…Nagisa wasn't sure what was truly going to happen with Rei since it wasn't original DNA. She had originally intended them to be twins, but decided against it. This could be a worse situation, I don't think it's too far fetched to assume he'll be special just like you were, Soubi."

I felt my face get hot. Not out of shock or pain, but embarrassment. I was still being treated like a special object, but not quite living up to the expectations of the original. I couldn't help but stare at the floor. Ritsuka touched my shoulders, but I flinched away.

"Don't, just….don't." I hesitated, but only for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd ever need to know. You weren't exactly supposed to go out on unsupervised adventures on your own. Especially separated, you two aren't able to handle yourselves. What were you thinking leaving Sei on his own? What part of that seemed like a good idea, Rei?" Ritsu seemed more upset than before.

I looked away again. "He pissed me off, and we parted ways. It wasn't that I left him, exactly, more like we both left each other. I didn't think he'd be in danger, he was the one with the money, so I figured he'd just take a cab back to the school and leave me to be the one to catch the heat."

"Sei?"

Sei nodded. "I did plan on leaving him there, I just didn't do it in time."

"Well, I think it's time we leave boys. Soubi, Ritsuka, you need to keep this to yourself for now. Don't worry about Nagisa retaliating, she shouldn't cause a problem for you as long as she never knows about it." Ritsu threw a wad of bills towards Soubi. I assumed it was hush money or something similar. He looked at me through his long hair and glasses, an odd look in his eyes. "Rei, get yourself and Sei dressed and we need to be on our way. Nagisa believes you're returning at noon and will be eager to see you two."

The ride back to Gora was silent, but that was fine with me. Sei stared out the window the entire time, ignoring every look or touch from me. Nagisa had quite the overbearing mother attitude once we were in her office. She grilled us about what we did, and we told her exactly what Ritsu told us say to her. We fought a couple teams, lost one, won the second. No more, no less. She seemed pretty satisfied with the story, checking Sei over for any other injuries other than his slightly bruised collar bone and a couple bruises on his back. She hadn't bothered to ask me if I was aching or injured, which was no surprise. She always favored the Sacrifices, it seemed. Yoji was her favorite, and as far as I could tell Natsuo was content with that. He had once told me that it didn't bother him because Yoji was also his favorite.

I couldn't grasp having that one line of thinking, with serious blinders to the situation. Nagisa was insane, I was sure. Her science was solid enough, but hearing Ritsu so casually explain I was born in a laboratory to be a despicable version of Soubi only added to my desire to leave this place. If only I could be so useless to be tossed aside and kicked out, but that would never happen. Nagisa would either destroy me or keep me forever locked inside this place.

My only hope for getting out was to stick with Sei. Hopefully.

Back in our dorm, Sei crawled into his bed and pulled the covers up to his neck and rolled over so his back was to me. I thought of asking him what his problem was, but I really didn't care at that point. I left the room, heading down the hall to the cafeteria. I was hungry for some reason and had a strange craving for soup. It was probably my nerves that were getting the best of me, but at this point, who knew?

The cafeteria was full of students of all ages, casually chatting and arguing with each other. Only a few stopped as I entered, which wasn't surprising. They were the units we'd trained against so far and the fact that we'd been missing for a day and a half was pretty suspicious.

I was waved over by the unit Torsion. Kouja, who was the Sacrifice, was a taller guy with dark red hair that stuck up everywhere; he was almost as tall as Ritsu or Soubi. He seemed friendly enough, but had a mean streak in him that ran deep. Minamo, his Sentouki was a shorter girl, not much shorter than myself at 5'9", she had long black hair tied back into loose braids. She was definitely the faster of the two when it came to a battle of spells. Kouja grabbed my face in one hand and turned it from side to side as if looking for something.

"Kouja! Don't pick on him like that!" Minamo squealed, smacking his free arm.

"Nagisa said they battled a couple of units. I overheard her in the lounge earlier. You don't have a scratch on you, though, but Sei seems pretty messed up. You didn't fight anyone, and you aren't going to tell me you did." Kouja released me, but with a bit of a throw. I stumbled backwards a little bit, amazed that he could use such force with little effort or distance.

"Kouja, some days I wonder about you. You think about things way too much!" She mumbled, scooting over. She patted the spot next to her, but I hesitated. Kouja had a look that said I wasn't exactly welcome to sit between them.

"I just stopped in to grab a quick bite, I wasn't planning on staying…." I muttered, walking away. Kouja unnerved me. It was like looking into a wild animal's eyes that wasn't happy with you. Much like the look that Soubi gave Ritsu. It made me wonder what I'd done to deserve such spite.

"Oi! Kouja! RUDE!" Minamo was shouting as I quickly got away. There was no way I was going to sit there in the first place. You don't sit with enemies, anyway. They had won several of our battles, but something told me there was more to it than Kouja would admit out loud. Maybe he didn't think I was worthy enough to battle?

Yet another individual who thought of me as a useless fighter. Today was not turning out much better than the last few.

I ducked out of the dining hall as quickly as possible and headed back to the room with a growling stomach. As I reached for the handle, Ritsu grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall. I practically tripped over my own feet in surprise, but followed silently.

Once in his office, Ritsu locked the door and stared at me. "I'm too old to be dealing with adolescence such as yourself. You and Sei have a lot to work on as a team. What happened when you decided to leave?"

I opened my mouth and closed it a few times before words came out. "Sei told me we were going, so I went with. We saw Soubi and Ritsuka briefly and….that was when we parted ways. I ended up accidentally running into Soubi again after that. When we found Sei, he took us back to his place. I tried to heal him as best as I could, though."

"And? What else happened?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Ritsu pulled his glasses off and wiped them with the hem of his shirt and replaced them. "Sei isn't acting like his usual spoiled self. What happened? If you don't tell me what's going on, I can and will beat it out of you, hmm? Would you prefer that to talking?

I gaped at him. "You'd beat me because I don't prefer to indulge you in every second of our being gone?"

"No, I'll beat you because I feel like it. Care to spill the beans?"

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, sir."

Ritsu approached me, maneuvering past the over stuffed chairs and slapped me hard across the face. "If you don't think I won't hurt you, guess again, child. You may have Soubi's face, but you will never have his discipline."

Tears welled up, but it was mostly out of shock. "I-I told Sei to….to, uh-"

"Spit it out, Rei!"

My eyes closed tightly. "I told him if I was useless I would kill him and leave here!"

"It's not that easy. Stand up straight, you look pathetic cowering with tears in your eyes like that. You will never, _never_, touch Sei that way again. He told me that you fractured his hands after slamming him into the wall and threatening to break his neck. He doesn't trust you anymore. He's afraid of you. You do not control the unit, Rei. Sei is the Sacrifice, he is the master. He is your Alpha and Omega, he is your everything. Do you understand what will happen to you if Nagisa finds out? She will TERMINATE you, Rei! You will die because you lost yourself and your place in the universe."

"I don't want to live like this!" I shouted, falling to my knees.

"Get up, Rei."

"NO! Just fucking stop for a damn minute!"

"The more I try to guide you, the more you resist. Your impertinence is going to get you killed. How can you feel nothing for your Sacrifice?" Ritsu grabbed me by the back of my head and forced me to stand upright and look at him. "What has to happen for you to submit? Do I need to teach you the same lesson I taught Soubi? Is that what you want?"

"What lesson would that be?"

Ritsu didn't answer, instead dragging me into the private lounge of his office. He tossed me onto the couch and stood over me, arms crossed over his chest. "You have two choices right now. One of them will be painful and you'll be scarred for the rest of your life; the other will probably haunt you for the rest of your life."

"Wha-?"

"Either you get this impertinence beaten out of you, or I will ravage that flesh until you're a bloody mess. It doesn't matter to me which happens, the lesson will have been learned."

My heart beat in my throat. I felt my breaths coming shorter as I looked around. There was no way out, he'd already locked the door behind him. There wasn't anything to use as an efficient weapon, either. This had been planned out fairly well.

"You don't have much time to decide. Either remove your shirt or those blue jeans, because this is going to hurt no matter what." Ritsu growled, towering above me. I threw my arms over my head in fear, tears gushing. He pushed me onto my back, grabbing my arms and forcing them above my head. I screamed and gnashed at his arms and hands, but he didn't seem fazed by the biting and fighting. Instead, he drew back and punched me square in the jaw. A few dizzying moments later, he was wrapping his hands around my neck, squeezing tightly. I struggled and fought, blackness touching the edges of my vision. Before I blacked out, he threw me to the floor. I coughed and sputtered, wondering what was going to happen to me.

"Rei, will you submit, to become one with your sacrifice? Will you obey and become conquered?" Ritsu sounded so far away. The tile was cold on my face as I breathed in and out with effort.

I didn't really believe he would rape me, but he would sure beat the hell out of me. I think I looked too much like Soubi for him to comfortably get sexual. Not to mention Nagisa would flip her lid. I knew that for sure. She was not exactly a fan of her units losing their ears. Natsuo and Yoji lost theirs years ago and she had stayed in her room, crying for hours over their innocence, convinced some girls had gotten the better of her precious Zero. Little did she know it was to each other they gave that up, not to any of the older girls in the school. She was pretty oblivious sometimes, but that was okay.

"I don't think I can, sir…."


	5. Chapter 5

"That's not an appropriate answer, Rei. Either you will submit or you will bear the consequences. Nagisa will not tolerate this in the least. You aren't a natural born unit, and she can replace you fairly quickly."

"Then kill me! It'd be better to be dead than to listen to you people say over and over how I'm not fit for that brat! He doesn't have a clue in the world what he's in for, and he had these expectations that he's the best, but he can't hardly control me, he just expects me to know what to do! I'd rather be dead than under the influence of that moron, or you or anyone else!" I screamed.

"If your name doesn't appear in the next few weeks, I'm going to have to reassign you. Nagisa will have to choose for you, because I must reiterate that you were made, not born. She will have someone for you. Sei also probably has a back-up in reserve. You two obviously aren't compatible. You need someone dominating, and he obviously needs someone who wants the submission. Until then you are to be by his side no matter what. I already know where his name is, and I'm assuming you know as well or you wouldn't be acting out like this."

I shuddered on the floor, tears and snot running onto the tile. "….Were you actually going to rape me, sir?"

"Heh, you look gorgeous lying there a complete mess, Rei, but no. I'm sadistic, yes, but I'm too old to pull that stunt again. Nagisa would have my head removed. Soubi wanted it, though. He wanted so badly to be mine. I will never forgive myself for giving up the opportunity to have him. Seimei ruined him, that much is for sure, but I would not ever hurt you more than you deserved."

I lifted my head and looked at him, confused. "Then why scare me like that?"

"Just figuring out the parts of your mind that nobody will ever be able to see. I can't help you if I don't know even the most intimate things. Again, I would never hurt you like that, Rei. You obviously aren't happy with Sei, and the more you two disconnect, the more obvious it's becoming that you two don't match."

I nodded slightly. "I've felt that way since the first time we met. I've never felt like I was truly his."

"He has a lot to learn, though. Go clean yourself up, I'll catch up with Nagisa in a bit and see what options are available for now."

Weeks passed in silence between Sei and myself. Training went slowly and resulted in rookie mistakes. I ended up losing to Kouja and Minamo several times in one afternoon. It was embarrassing, and even Minamo was irritated.

"You used to be a challenge, Rei. What's gotten into you two?" She'd ask it repeatedly.

Sei and I would only glance at each other, but we couldn't say aloud what was actually going on. Sei had been informed by Ritsu that I was a blank and that they would find me a more suitable Sacrifice and he a more appropriate Sentouki. Apparently he'd thrown quite the tantrum, but in the end had given in to the idea of having a different Sentouki. It shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. Then again, Sei was a spoiled brat thanks to Nagisa, so of course he didn't want to give up what was originally "his."

I was looking forward to someone capable of utilizing my talents. It seemed selfish, but I couldn't help but be a little excited. Ritsu hinted that it was probably a girl by the name of Hajii Masuroto, but that I wouldn't know, nor would he, until the next few days. Nagisa had several of her lab experiments that could use a blank fighter, and was mortified that she accidentally created a blank. She wouldn't speak to me anymore, though a definite relief, it made me feel insignificant. Hollow was supposed to be her supreme team, even beating Zero in terms of perfection. Instead, she was forced to use me as a spare part and had to find Sei another spare part as well.

Three days after Ritsu informed me of Hajii, I was allowed to meet with her. She was a busty, brawny gal, and gorgeous. She was the same height as me, which was almost unheard of, and she had a stern look on her face as she looked me up and down, walking circles around me.

"Teacher, he isn't very much in terms of a Sentouki. Sure he's cute, but that doesn't win fights." She bit her lip, appearing worried.

I remained silent, only looking at Ritsu.

"I assure you he's plenty capable. He's had the best training. Sei was unable to use him properly."

Her eyes lit up suddenly. "Is that so….? Hmmm, so Nagisa screwed up and couldn't handle it, eh? Typical. I know you like her, Teacher, but she is a brat. Much like her beloved little Zero units were. At least Kouya and Yamato had the guts to tell her to fuck off. I wonder what ran through her head when they did that…."

"You seem fairly recovered from losing your better half, Hajii. How many years has it been since Yuki?" Ritsu asked. He didn't sound like he was trying to be mean, but it definitely struck a nerve.

Hajii glared. "5 years. And I'll never forget it. She didn't deserve what she got, but she was the one who put herself in the position to be killed. Fighting alone is bad enough, but fighting with unmatched names is suicide. However Loveless and Beloved managed to make it work will never be replicated, and I wonder every day why she thought she could."

She walked around me a few more times, hands feeling up my arms, down my back. "He seems sturdy, I guess. Can I fight with him yet or is Nagisa still on the fence with separating them?"

Ritsu chortled, "He's a blank, dear. There's no point to forcing him to become Hollow if he wasn't going to submit. That was asking for disaster. However, I believe you are the best available option for him. You aren't like Sei at all. He doesn't understand what it means to be a Sacrifice just yet, and Rei isn't capable of waiting for him to catch up to his level."

"Rei," Hajii looked at me sternly. "You will submit to me. You will follow me no matter what, and you will not follow anyone else's directions unless it is Ritsu, do you understand me?"

I glanced nervously between them. I wasn't used to this. She wasn't joking around.

"You can answer with words, Rei. Forget what Sei thought he could teach you. I will train you the correct way, and you must learn to answer with your voice, not silence." Hajii instructed. "Now, do you understand your objective? I am your law from now on. You will only come to me, you will only answer to myself and to Ritsu, understand?"

"Yes," I caught her gaze, realizing her eyes were green. Her dark hair tumbled around her shoulders as she turned around and observed the room.

"Teacher, could you arrange a battle soon? I really want to see how he responds. He seems capable, but I'd like to know before diving right in." Hajii started clearing desks out of the way.

Ritsu laughed, sounding rather pleased. "I told Torsion to be here around 6 pm. You've got about an hour to spend with Rei before they get here. I'd use the time wisely, as they've beaten him fairly hard in the last few weeks."

He left the room after helping clear the classroom. Hajii intimidated me, that was for sure. Her dark blue jeans and plain white t-shirt made her appear tough in a round-about way. She didn't have ears, I noticed immediately, and wondered how long she'd been an adult. I felt childish in her presence. She seemed so much better than Sei could have ever dreamed of being.

"Rei, what kind of spells are you the best at?"

"…In battle? Eh…Probably….fire?"

"You like to burn? Interesting. I prefer subtle attacks that have a more profound attack. The usual spells that we learn like **hew, smite **and **cleanse** aren't very effective because we're used to them. They don't have a very good visual. Using full sentences will have a greater effect. For instance, if they try to use an air spell, fire won't be very effective, correct?"

I shrugged, sort of grasping what she was saying.

She rolled her eyes. "If they're using gale force winds, the last thing you want to do is put fire out there to be manipulated by the other team. You want to use something different like a shield to deflect and redirect with something like rain or cold, such as snow or hail. Turn their spells against them."

"Understood."

"Feel free to address me freely, Rei. You can call me Hajii, you know. This isn't the army. Sei didn't know what he had, you're just brimming with the desire to prove yourself and he didn't have a clue! I feel lucky that Ritsu chose you for me. I've been waiting for a couple years to get back into training. Yuki and I were amazing together. You have a lot to live up to, in addition to being one of Nagisa's experiments and to being a blank, you've also got Soubi to match up against."

My face got hot suddenly. Hajii smiled a little, but it wasn't out of enjoyment for knowing. "Ritsu thought I should know the details. It's probably scary knowing what you really are, but you can overcome the expectations. Just be the best. Never have mercy, but always have a purpose. I'm your purpose now, Rei. You must fight for me no matter what, and you will never lose as long as you have some sort of love for me. It's what keeps a unit together, whether it's the best friendship or the most intimate, as long as you care for me, you'll always want to prove yourself to me."

Tears brimmed my eyes briefly, but I wiped them away. Sei would never have been capable of knowing that's what I needed the most, just to hear those words, the words that Hajii just spoke.

She ruffled my hair, "Aw, don't cry, Rei. I don't mean to embarrass you!"

"It's not that….I just really need this, is all. Sei hasn't a clue in the world and I tried so hard for him, but it always felt so pointless. I'm not dead inside like he is, I can't pretend that I'm okay with that name and what it means…."

"Did Ritsu tell you my name?" Hajii asked, her eyes sparkling mischievously. I shook my head a little, wondering where this was leading. "Sometime I'll have to show you when we're alone, it's in a bit of an intimate spot." She whispered the last part, winking.

I felt my face get hot again and I looked away, mouth hung open in disbelief. "I-I don't think that's really necessary t-to see it…."

"Nonsense. It'll be where yours gets placed if this works out. I think that it's only fair to let you know before hand."

"So what is your name ,then?"

"Catharsis." She grinned, "An emotional purging. Kind of neat, eh?"

I smiled shyly, "Yeah, a little. It's better than the alternative."

"You don't need to be afraid, Rei. Nagisa doesn't understand what it means to be a Sentouki. She spoils the Sacrifice and then doesn't understand why she can't win. You'd think after Yamato and Kouya she would have seen it coming that Yoji and Natsuo weren't going to be much better. They didn't want to lose each other and decided to leave her to be with each other. Haven't heard from them in almost, what, 9 years I think? However long ago Loveless got brought into the picture. They're pretty infamous as well." Hajii stared at me intently. "Ritsu said you met them… What were they like?"

I shrugged. "Regular people? I don't know what to say. They're not like I expected them to be. Nagisa always made Ritsuka seem small and insignificant, but I think he's much more than he'll ever let on."

"Oh yeah? What about Soubi? Does he know about what you are? I don't mean to make it sound so taboo, but I'd be pretty freaked out if I were in his position."

"He knew right away. Ritsu confirmed, though I don't think he was too happy to have to. Soubi seemed pretty content with the fact I exist, maybe even a little proud."

Hajii laughed a little. Her smile widened, too. "To be so amazing even as young as he was to drive Nagisa to steal his DNA to beat him and Ritsu, I'd be slightly flattered at the thought of you also being a success. Do you think you'll ever see them again?"

I frowned. "I don't know if that would be a good idea. Ritsu seemed pretty insistent that Nagisa never know we met, so if you could never speak of this, I would appreciate it. Ritsu might not like that I told you, but I never know with him. I think it's painful for him to deal with me, knowing that I'm the same as Soubi."

She nodded, "I understand. He looks at you differently than the others, I've noticed. It does seem like he's always a little lost in what could have happened had Seimei not tricked him into giving Soubi away. I've overheard the other instructors over the years say how they would have made a great team if Ritsu hadn't been so torn up over losing his fighter. But Seimei was of importance to the Academy. It's no surprise he got what he wanted, but enough gossiping, we've got a battle to be ready for!"

Kouja and Minamo showed up almost an hour later than expected, but it gave Hajii time to go over her expectations of the battle. Of course, being this prepared was not going to happen in a real battle setting. Since it was essentially a test run, it was nice to be prepared instead of being expected to just win.

Kouja stood behind Minamo, eyes locking with mine. I welcomed the intimidation this time instead of wanting to shy away. Hajii placed her hand in the small of my back in a reassuring manner and initiated the system.

"I declare a battle of spells!"

The world melted away and I felt the stillness of everything and nothing all at once.

"Sharpest knives! Pierce his flesh!" Minamo was already attacking before I realized it. Her words were crisp and clear, with conviction. The knives materialized and hit me full on. Hajii didn't seem too impressed by my lack of defense, but I was going to let Minamo shout another before I retaliated. "Feel the heat of burning fire in the wounds!"

"Dammit, Rei! Deflect! Don't just let her shout like that!" Hajii shouted. She sounded pretty pissed off.

It was definitely motivating.

"Darkness, cover and suffocate-"

"Lightning, illuminate and strike with ten-thousand volts!" The words left my mouth and I knew the picture in my mind's eye would be perfection. The bolts hit Minamo ten or eleven times, her screaming only invigorating me.

"Feel the skin twist around the volts, becoming one!"

"Deflect!" Minamo gasped, throwing out a pathetic shield. The Bonds came flying at her and Kouja shouted something I couldn't translate quick enough. "Bury you with the force of a ton!"

"We are protected, nothing will harm us. Your force is weightless, it has no mass or force!"

Kouja was muttering something to Minamo and we all stared at each other for a few moments in silence. Hajii replaced her hand on the small of my back. "Attack, Rei, before they get a chance to use something against us." She whispered.

"Coldness in the still air, freeze them. They will be frozen in place forever!" Immediately my teeth started to chatter. "We will remain warm within ourselves, but Torsion shall be immobile, hail come down upon them!"

The final bindings came up around them and Kouja stumbled backwards as the system disengaged. He looked upset, but in a proud way. "That was impressive Rei. You've been pretty useless lately, why did you wait until now to unleash that kind of ability?"

"Kouja! Uhn! Jerk, he electrocuted me!" Minamo smacked his chest hard, but gave me a small smile. "Really, what was Sei doing to you, anyway? You seemed to be losing on purpose a few weeks ago. I guess we know why now, but honestly, you should not have been losing that quickly."

Hajii stepped in front of me defensively. "You don't have any right to judge how he fights his battles. Thank you for your time, but we've got things that need to be gone over with Ritsu. This was a very important evaluation for Rei."

Kouja waved a hand at us as they turned immediately and left the room. "Whatever, Hajii, we'll see you around. Until then, keep a sane heart and mind."


	6. Chapter 6

Over the weeks Hajii and myself spent quite a bit of time together. Ritsu trained with us every other day, using less extreme measures than he used to. The whip was no longer a valid part of the curriculum and I appreciated it much more than Iíd be willing to admit out loud.

Hajii noticed a definite change in my attitude. Once she mentioned it, I felt self-conscious.

"You seem in better spirits than when we met," She'd smiled a little. "It's good to see you more focused."

Sei and I hadn't had much contact since the switch. I felt guilt nag at the back of my mind every time we did see each other and it bothered me. Why did I feel guilt? It wasn't as though I hadn't tried. He was the one who treated me wrong, had expected things of me without giving anything in return and tried to make me feel as though it was I who was inadequate. It just didn't seem fair that I was now feeling any sort of remorse for him or the situation.

The less Ritsu used his violent methods, I felt like he was distancing himself from me on a personal level. The way he'd look at me was as though he wasn't really seeing me anymore, but rather a shadow of what he had lost. It didn't seem fair. Hajii was the only one who could treat me normally anymore. It was starting to bother me endlessly. Most days Ritsu would sit in silence with me, allowing me to do whatever I pleased during our sessions. Sometimes I would nap, other days I would read through the material assigned by the other instructors to better my vocabulary and visuals.

Weeks passed by again before I'd realized it. Hajii had been discreetly asking me about Soubi and Ritsuka. My suspicions were soon confirmed when she asked me to leave Gora with her. She had gotten permission from Ritsu, or so she claimed. We rode the bus in silence, but she had a grin she couldn't possibly hide from me. I had gotten quite used to her little tells. The eager twitch of her lips was the dead giveaway she had something planned.

Hajii and I got off at the fifth or sixth stop, following her to a small coffee shop. I hesitated in entering, thinking she'd set up some kind of meeting. Nobody I recognized was there immediately, but I was wary as we sat and sipped our steaming espressos. After an hour had passed in mostly silence she threw away our garbage and we headed out again. At first, I didn't realize what streets she was leading us down, but soon enough we were at an apartment complex I didnít recognize. Hajii headed up the fire escape to the third floor and stopped the second door down. She produced a key from her pocket and let herself in. I stood in the doorway, confused.

"Hajii? Who's place is this?" I called out from the doorway.

She turned back, a sly expression sneaking into her eyes. "You already know, so don't be shy. They aren't here yet, but should be soon."

I felt slightly betrayed, but wasn't sure why. "Soubi and Ritsuka."

Hajii only smiled back, knowing I stated it in a flat tone for a reason.

"Hajii, we don't need to be here."

"Hmmm, do you really know why we're here?" She asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. "You haven't said one thing the entire time we've been gone, why so talkative now?"

I shook my head, backing out of the doorway. "I won't enter until you tell me what is going on. I put up with this from Sei and look where it ended us. If you can't even be straight with me, what's to stop me from grabbing a bus back to Gora?"

"Rei, please, just come in. You know me, you know that I wouldn't put you in a position to be awkward unless I had a reason."

"Oh, please spare me the pity," I growled, slamming the door shut. I headed towards the fire escape and stopped short when I saw Soubi and Ritsuka heading up from the parking lot. Ritsuka was laughing about something and Soubi had a complacent expression until suddenly he stopped, his gaze meeting mine. Even as far away as we were, I knew he was surprised.

Ritsuka held his hand over his eyes, blocking the sun for a better view. Then he waved.

"Dammit!" I muttered, gripping the railing tightly.

"Quit pouting, Rei," Hajii mumbled behind me. "You need to get a grip on things, and I mean literally. This isn't the worst thing that could happen. It isn't like I magically made a key within the school that magically happens to open the door to their apartment."

Within moments, the mismatched unit was at the top of the stairs. Ritsuka pulled me into a hug, but Soubi still looked a little perplexed. It was strange seeing myself so clearly in that man. There would never be a lie between us, that much was evident.

"Shall we?" Ritsuka asked tentatively, eyes trailing towards the half open apartment door.

Soubi and I continued to stare at each other, that blank calculating expression being returned. We both seemed to be caught off guard by this whole situation. Hajii and Ritsuka lead the way, realizing neither Soubi nor I were going to go along with this willingly, though we didn't know why either of us were so hesitant.

Perhaps it was Ritsu's fault. He seemed to have damaged us both pretty good, but in very different ways.

Once inside, we all sat in silence and looked at each other uncomfortably. It suddenly hit me that I was still the only child in the room. Hajii oozed pure woman, her sexuality hit the room hard, especially being the only girl.

"So...?" I left the question hang on purpose.

Ritsuka and Hajii sort of glanced at each other, which proved that Soubi and I had had the wool pulled over our eyes.

Hajii giggled a little and then grabbed my hand excitedly. "I wanted them to be a part of something special, Rei."

My face got red. "And that would be what, exactly?"

She grinned, but composed herself slightly. "I wanted them to help me give you my name. Or more correctly, our name."

I felt the color drain from my face. "What?"

"It's not as complicated as you think, and it won't hurt very much. You've got quite the pain tolerance anyway, so something given out of love should be easier to handle."

Soubi frowned, lighting a cigarette. "And we were to be a part of this why?"

His question seemed more directed at Ritsuka than at Hajii, his eyes fixated on his partner, but not angrily. More irritated than anything.

"Well," Hajii started slowly, "You've been through it, Soubi. I figured it made sense. Sort of. I've never done it, but I know the process. I didn't want to carve him up like a turkey. I want it to be as aesthetic and painless as possible."

Silence once again.

I stared at Soubi, gauging his emotion carefully. He took long drags on his cigarette, exhaling just as slowly. He seemed a little perplexed, as though he didn't care or wasn't sure why it involved Ritsuka and himself.

I figured the latter, since that was how I was feeling at the moment.

Ritsuka leaned forward. "Soubi, Hajii wants you to design it for her. She didn't think it would be appropriate to just slap it on. I was hoping you wouldn't mind, but I figured you'd say absolutely not if I asked you before they were planning on arriving."

Soubi sighed, leaning back again. "It isn't that I would decline, but this isn't something that required such discretion in the first place. I would have preferred to know beforehand."

"You aren't the only one," I muttered, knowing it came out impertinent.

Hajii turned to face me a little better and her hand cupped my cheek. "I was hoping you'd be a little more excited about this, but I understand that you're not too happy about being kept in the dark. I just thought it would be a nice surprise."

"Well I'm in for two surprises then, because I don't even know where your name is, Hajii. What's with all this secrecy about the whole adventure? I don't understand why you couldn't even tell me!" I knocked her hand away.

I felt in shock. It wasn't as though I didn't expect this to ever happen. I knew I would receive her name, I just didn't think it would be like this.

Again, Hajii and Ritsukaís eyes locked momentarily. Another secret between them. Soubi's gaze remained fixed on the floor as he continued to smoke.

"Stand up then." Hajii stood abruptly. My legs felt like jelly as I stood in front of her. She turned with her back to me and pulled off her shirt. Down her spine in cursive was CATHARSIS. It trailed down to the waistband of her jeans. She glanced over her shoulder briefly, a shy look in her eyes. She turned herself around and faced me, grabbing hold of both my hands in her own.

I hadn't ever seen a girl so brazen to stand in a room full of men with just undergarments on, but I couldn't help myself. I stared at her in complete shock. Her figure was full, but appropriately so. Now I understood why she hid herself in the tomboy attire. She was definitely a woman in every sense.

I realized I was starting to gape and looked away in shame. "You don't have to strip in front of everyone, you could have just shown me sitting down, you know."

"You're adorable when you blush, but I guess you're right," Hajii laughed. "Plus, these two don't care! It isn't like they've never seen a naked girl before, and I'm not even naked yet. No more than a swimming suit shows!"

"Hajii, you remind me of the girls I went to college with." Soubi muttered, rubbing his temples. "Just put your shirt back on and sit down already before he passes out from your cup size."

Normally, I might have laughed at what he said, but it was too much to take right now. I felt my face grow hotter. She released my hands and I immediately sat down. Now I understood why Hajii would touch my lower back during a battle. It must have been something she and her fighter used to do.

It left a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"So, Soubi, what do you think? Ready to be a part of something unique?" Hajii asked, flopping down next to me on the couch.

"It isn't that unique. Blank fighters are given names all the time."

"Yeah, but Rei is your own flesh and blood. This whole experience is unique to the both of you. Both of you were born blank. You can't tell me that's just coincidence. You two were meant for greater things, good or bad, they've happened." Hajii stated.

Soubi raised his eyes to me, but seemed to be looking more through me in thought. "For once I believe Ritsu matched a blank quite well. I'll need an hour or so to play around with it. You might have to sit in front of me so I can copy yours down as accurately as possible. As far as coincidence, there usually is no such thing."

I sat on the table, legs crossed as Soubi carefully outlined his design for Hajii and showed her how to use the different utensils to get the desired cuts and shapes. He hadn't let me see them, but I could feel him pressing the knives against my skin to imitate what needed to be done. My heart was throbbing in my throat painfully and it seemed to take forever for him to go over the process with her.

Ristuka sat in front of me, chair turned around backwards with his arms folded over the back. He had a very interesting look on his face, a slight smile in his eyes. "I always wondered what Soubi looked like with his ears."

I blushed again, gripping the folds of my jeans in my hands.

Ritsuka reached up and caressed my cheek. "It's so strange. You two are very different, but so similar." He laughed as he withdrew his hand.

Hajii and Soubi were still idly discussing the preparations, and must have walked away. I couldn't decipher what they were actually saying over the pounding in my ears.

Ritsuka rested his head on his arms, still looking at me with that damned smile on his face. I'd never felt so self-conscious before. I felt ridiculous right now.

"Hajii is quite the woman," Ritsuka continued, as if I were participating in the conversation between us. "She seems to know what to do with you. Are you happy with her?"

Again, I remained silent. What do I say to that? I wasn't unhappy by any means, but this... It was almost too much. I felt trapped, I felt tricked, I felt betrayed...

But I also felt that tingle of liberation.

I was free of Sei, I wasn't going to spend eternity miserable with that brat.

Ritsuka seemed to pick up my unease. He stood, slowly reaching out to me, offering his hand. I tentatively took it, wondering what he was going to do.

Raising my palm up, he kissed it gently. I felt that warmth spread from my fingertips to my toes almost instantly. "Loveless seemed like such a daunting name to bear, Rei. I used to think it meant that I would never love or be loved. In reality, it makes me capable of bringing someone down without love involved. This name, CATHARSIS, is an amazing name to have. You two will be what Soubi and I could have been if we were interested in staying at the Academy. Don't let this scare you, because you are your own person. You are not Soubi. You are Rei."

I felt tears welling in my eyes.

Again, I felt like I had so much more to learn. I could tell Ritsuka meant what he was saying, that they weren't just words he was supposed to say. They were words he wanted me to hear, to know and to believe because they were truth.

"If I hadn't met you, I never would be second guessing anything. Ritsu was so angry at me for what I did to Sei. He could have told Nagisa about it, but he didn't. I was so scared of him. I keep hitting rock bottom, but Hajii has pulled me out of this hole in my life."

"Well, you were a few seconds away from snapping his neck when I pulled you away from him. Not that I didn't think he deserved it, but I don't believe in violence. You need to re-learn your existence, and how others exist. The world is not so dark once you figure out how to make your own fire." Ritsuka leaned over me, kissing my forehead. "And Hajii is definitely going to show you how to make it burn!"

I blushed madly at the innuendo. He laughed, then ruffled my hair.

A few hours later, Hajii was sitting behind me, tools in hand. Soubi sat in front of me, legs crossed, holding my hands. It was a strange sight to witness, I'm sure. I'd never held onto someone so tightly in my life. It wasn't so much that it was painful. In fact, it was barely registering on the scale of pain. It was more that I was terrified.

Soubi must have understood this. His eyes locked with mine, never once wavering. I wasn't sure where Ritsuka had gone, but I couldn't look away from Soubi. I was terrified.

Hajii worked as quickly as possible, but halfway through, the pain began to melt through my reserve. It started with a dull ache, but was becoming intense as the minutes passed. The closer she got to the bottom of the design, I was swallowing hard and tears were threatening to fall.

At this point, Soubi was cradling my head against his shoulder, stroking my ears that were flattened against my head. I gripped his shirt as she withdrew.

"Rei, I'm almost finished, you just gotta pull the waist of your jeans down a little further," She whispered.

I nodded, unbuttoning and complying with her request.

She pressed the blade against my skin once more, working for what seemed forever until she finished with a triumphant squeal. "This looks fantastic, Rei."

My breath was shallow, and I could feel the blood running down my back, pooling in my jeans and boxers. Soubi lifted my head up and smiled at me. "You did great."

I felt someone press a cold cloth against the fresh wounds. It made me gasp, mostly out of surprise, but it did burn from the contact with cloth. Might as well have been sandpaper against it.

"Sorry! I need to get as much of the blood off as possible before I put any thing on it." Hajii explained, which I understood completely. I didn't need an infection on top of being carved up like this. Soubi wiped the sweat that was gathering on my forehead and hugged me tightly. At first I wanted to push him away. The closeness was odd, unfamiliar.

And then it happened. I started shaking, tears falling helplessly as I choked back my sob. I wasn't in physical pain, I finally felt whole. I felt the liberation I was searching for in Sei and wasn't going to find with him.

**Managed to save most of the items on my hard drive! Ahhh! But I lost a lot of stuff as well...Anywho. R&R. Or whatever it is you readers do to stories that seem to be forgotten =3**


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